Honor Without Returning to Harm

THE DEVOTION

'Honor your father and your mother' is one of the Ten Commandments — and for many, it is one of the most painful. Because what do you do when the parents you're commanded to honor were absent, abusive, neglectful, or deeply wounding? What do you do when they never honored you? The command feels impossible, even unjust. But the Hebrew word unlocks it: kabed — to give weight, to treat as significant. To honor is to assign proper weight to the ROLE they held, and that is different from approving of the person they were.

Here is the crucial distinction that sets wounded children free. Honoring your parents does not mean pretending the wounds didn't happen. It does not mean calling abuse acceptable, endorsing their behavior, or exposing yourself to ongoing harm. You can honor the position God placed them in — acknowledging that through them, however flawed, you received life — without endorsing the person or their conduct. You can forgive without forgetting, honor without approving, and love from a healthy distance where safety requires it.

And notice the command doesn't say 'honor your parents IF they earned it.' 🏿 It's not a reward for good parenting; it's a posture of the heart commanded regardless. Why? Because honor, at its root, is more about who YOU are becoming than about who they were. A heart that can extend honor even to those who failed you is a heart being set free from bitterness. The Sugar-Free Gospel™ says it plainly: you honor difficult parents not because they deserve it, but because obedience and forgiveness are setting YOU free.

Honor never requires denial, forced reconciliation, silence about abuse, or renewed access for someone who remains unsafe. Forgiveness can release personal vengeance while boundaries, reporting, consequences, and distance remain. Where family history involves trauma, seek qualified support. God does not ask wounded children—of any age—to call evil good in order to prove obedience.